JUST AFTER I SAID I DO
If I was given the second chance to make right my wrongs, I would have hidden my heart so deep in the lord in the place of prayer that it will take a man to engage in serious and genuine prayer before he can find me.
I know Raph didn’t pray about me too, he only saw me in the church, and he took his time to study my kind of lady and then he feels I have all it takes to be a godly wife… Well, should I say he was lucky, I mean despite the fact that he didn’t pray about me, I still turned out to be the kind of wife every man would have prayed for, or should I just say our grace differs?
…. I blinked and tears began to flow down my cheeks again….
My marriage is apart already, my husband and I are still physically together, but emotionally? We are divorced already…. We’re still together because, how will it sound when people who didn’t even get married in the lord hear about our situation. Our feelings for each other is gone, the connection and the bond have actually disappeared long ago. I have tried to love my husband as a wife even though I am not getting his love in return, but right now it’s not even working again. I am also not feeling anything for him again.
My husband once told me that, my love in his heart has seized for no reason, he said he’s not just feeling anything for me anymore, not even a common like.
…. I paused for a while to allow my tears flow cause they were just too much for my eyelids to hold and I continued shortly after then….. People see us in church putting on the same attire and sitting beside each other and they covet our own kind of couples without having an idea of what I am actually going through in the secret place. …..
While I was still single, I have never for once thought of having a little delay in making babies for my husband, and that’s because I have been speaking fruitfulness into my womb ever since I was single, I took my time to speak fruitfulness into my husband’s reproductive system while I was still single, and now, my mistake changed it all for me. Yes, it changed it all for me.
…. I broke down totally in tears as I couldn’t control myself anymore, in no time, Amaka joined me in tears too and we both cried endlessly for minutes before she finally pulled herself together and then tried to calm me down too. I adjusted myself and reached out for my handkerchief to clean up the mess on my face and I continued so softly and faintly because I’ve lost my voice already……..
My mother inlaw has been on my neck saying I refuse to make babies for her son because I had wasted the days of my youth despite the fact that Raph met me as a virgin ooo. And the most painful part is that Raph will not even say anything about his mum’s attitude and challenges not to talk of consoling me myself even when we both know it that I am not the cause of our childlessness….
…… Amaka’s face brightened up with great surprise and I could read it from her countenance that she’s actually shocked about what I just said. Her reaction triggered a deep pity for myself and I soon find myself crying all over again…….
I know you’ll be surprise to hear this. I am not the cause of our childlessness, my womb is perfect and intact to carry babies, my reproductive system is working perfectly fine. But my husband.
… I paused for seconds and I looked at Amaka as she gave me this “I’m just so short of words” look…..
Yes, my husband has been suffering from low sperm count ever since we got married. And yet, I receive all the blames for our childlessness from my in-laws because I married the wrong person
…. Lines of catarrh dripped down my nostrils and of a truth, each of my words hit me so hard in my heart and I couldn’t help myself from crying……
Yes I have been battling with my husband’s low sperm count all this while as if I was the one barren here…. Ofcos I questioned God, I questioned his answers to prayers, I asked him why he’ll allow my husband have a low sperm count despite the fact that I have already spoken fruitfulness into his reproductive system while I was still single. I asked God about those nights when I specifically asked him to work on my future husband where ever he is…. And then God told me loud and clear, Amaka, I heard him like never before
….. I paused for a while and I shook my head in pity as I muttered few words…..
Oh how I Wish I had prayed to God with all sincerity When I was about to say yes to Raphael like I am doing now…… Amaka, God spoke to me while I was challenging him, yes he did….
…..My tears became more intensified as the whole scene began to play back again in my head”……
God’s first response to me in the place of prayer was: You asked me to work on your husband’s reproductive system, Ofcos I did just that, I worked on him, I changed his malfunctioning reproductive organs and replaced all with a new one….. Hhhmm, and then I was just like : God, if you have actually changed it, then where has low sperm count originated from?….. And he asked me this simple question: is Raph your husband???.
……. I gently dragged myself from the chair and I soon found myself on the floor placing my face on my laps and in no time, my skirt was already soaked with the mixture of catarrh and tears…….
Amaka, did you hear that?
I took my time to prophesy fruitfulness into the life of my future husband and when it was time for me to say yes to him, I missed it!!!. And now he’s somewhere with a wise lady who has waited patiently on the lord and now they are both enjoying the answers to my own prayer in his life…