Love language. Is that some special kind of lingo spoken by lovebirds? Many would be at a loss when asked what their love language is, as they may not have given much thought to it. However, just like any other language, it is simply your primary way of expressing and interpreting love.
In his book, The Five Love Languages, Dr Gary Chapman explains the five emotional languages, and we can all identify to at least one.
Words of Affirmation
What you say is of great importance to your partner if this is her way of identifying to love. She may love to hear those “I love you” and “You make me happy” statements you hold in. Encouragement, verbal appreciation and compliments make some people feel special and loved.
This is for those who value gifts as touching and meaningful. This, of course, may be mistaken as materialism by many, and in such an acquisitive era, they could be partially right. But if your spouse speaks this language, they not only appreciate the gifts, but also the thought and effort behind the gesture. Even something as simple as a pen or a favourite meal could make your partner’s day.
For some, ‘being there’ is what counts. Spending time together is important to the person that speaks this love language. The time you spend together does not have to be occupied with any particular activity like watching a movie. Just enjoying each other’s company, even in silence, fulfils the person, and makes them feel special and loved.
Acts of Service
Washing the car, ironing, polishing shoes… can these be expressions of love? Certainly! The efforts one will make to relieve or ease the burden of certain responsibilities, of whatever kind, is greatly appreciated by those that speak this love language. Again, this does not mean that the person is lazy; it is simply a gift of love.
This does not have much to do with bedroom matters. The person that speaks this language is very touchy; holds hands, hugs, cuddles, and touches their spouse a lot while interacting. All these gestures communicate love, care and concern.
Knowing and understanding your love language
In order to know and understand your own language, ask yourself three important questions.
· How do I express love to others? You may, for instance, express your love best by giving thoughtful gifts to those you love.
· What do I request most from people I associate with? You may find that you love to feel appreciated and acknowledged for what you do
· What do I complain about the most? You may complain that your significant other does notice when you do something really well, highlighting your need to be acknowledged
Ask your spouse the same questions to find out his predisposition too.
Why you should know your love language
There are many ways we express love to one another, but the five languages listed above make up the key categories that most people identify with. You may feel like you speak all, but research has proved that although we may identify with all, most of us primarily speak only one language of love.
There are many cases of people in relationships feeling unloved while in the real sense, it could be that their significant other does not understand their language of love. It is important for you and your spouse to know your own as well as each other’s language so as to love each other on purpose. Understanding your spouse’s language will enable you to love her in a way she can relate to. It will also help you to determine how best to respond to her when she is feeling down. Maybe she needs a hug or perhaps just some words of love will do the trick. Her inclinations will suggestively determine this.
Once you and your spouse know your own love languages, not only should you share them with each other but also act upon them. You may each, however, have to make slight adjustments after learning these truths. Be open to making these adjustments as they may make a big difference in the way you relate to each other. If done right, you should see greater joy and fulfilment your relationship.