Let It Go – Episode 23


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My heart, closed? I don’t just get the things this man says
“Your heart is still closed” he repeats
“Okay, okay” I said “but why do you think my heart is closed? Didn’t you just hear me? I want to leave this place to go look for Nancy, Tessie and Kennie to right my wrongs. Now, can someone with a closed heart even conceive such thought less of trying to do it” I gasped with exasperation
Just please, come open this door . I pleaded in my mind.
“I am not thinking maybe or maybe not. I know for sure” the man said “the condition of this door is based on the condition of your heart”
“What?” My eyes widened and my heart beat faster
“You mean to say…?”
“So you see that I am not keeping you in. the man said
“You are the one keeping yourself in”
“How do you think she will get the money to foot his bill?” Kennie asked, facing no one in particular
“Who?” Tessie asked
“Sherifat” Kennie answered
“Oooh, right” she said
“I think both husband and wife have just enough to feed themselves really moderately in their household.” Brent said “And the fee?”
“It will be exorbitant,” Nancy replied ”at least for her. The man can’t be discharged soon because he has suffered many fractures

. She’ll pay for treatment, drugs, bed, food, etc.”
“Okay, that’s much for her” Kennie said
“She’ll probably put together all of her savings and go to church to ask for more” Victoria said
“She didn’t even mention it at all or look discouraged. I like her spirit” Tessie said
“Thank God,” Kennie said “the church isn’t a building”

How? How am I keeping myself in? But I really have admitted my wrong, what else am I meant to do?

“You are keeping so many people in that you have kept yourself out of the reach of joy” the man said.
“Everything that has happened to you is for a purpose. The Scriptures say ‘Even as Christ forgave you, so do ye’. You weren’t forgiven by God because you deserved it, but for the sake of Christ. Why won’t you?”
I swallowed with difficulty
“It is indeed not easy, but it wasn’t any easier for Christ to lay his life, lady. Not for loved pnes, but for the ones that rejected him”
Touché. Now, that hit me hard
“You want to go out now to plead for forgiveness from your friends that you have hurt. Why do you think you deserve to be forgiven by them when you haven’t forgiven the one who has been asking you for it since”
Now, I get even better. It’s Jimmy.
I later learnt in school that Jimmy married the woman he impregnated. He didn’t even tell me. I dialed his number for ages, but he never picked up. It was one of his sisters that I knew, Katie, who told me everything.

Hurt? No, I felt rage at first. My blood boiled. Why? Why would Jimmy do that to me? After taking me to his family and being together for so long, how could he do that to me?

Katie told me he didn’t plan to, he didn’t want to hurt me, and he didn’t impregnate her on purpose, bla bla bla. Would that change anything? He has still left me for his one-night stand and it hurt like hell. He never faced me to ell me anything. She said he was ashamed. There is indeed no peace for the wicked, I thought.

Close to a year ago, I met Jimmy again. He was with a baby girl who looked so much like him. He greeted and I responded. He asked us to sit nearby and I did. He had changed so much and it was the first time I saw him since he committed the deed. He told me the whole story. He and his friends had gone to a bar in a hotel and they got him drunk. They had been talking him into having just one side-chick but he refused, so they decided to get him one.

He said everything happened because of his drunkenness. After the act, he felt so remorseful and ashamed that he went into hiding for a while, hence I couldn’t get him. Later, his friends told him the girl had been confirmed pregnant. He couldn’t face me so he threw away his SIM.

That day, he told me he is now a Christian, no longer the same man he was, even better. But he still felt remorseful for what he did. I had changed my number so he couldn’t get across to me. I had left school too and changed environment. He pleaded for my forgiveness but what did I do? I spoke very harshly to him and walked out on him.

I don’t know how he got my number, but I suspect Nancy. He came again but I granted no audience. He then sent his heavily pregnant wife to come plead to me. I didn’t recognise the wife at first, but I recognized the child she held. She talked on and on about not intentionally hurting me. She said she didn’t know he had a fiancée, plus, she was in the world.

When she was done, I ushered her out of the hospital, telling her I hope she experiences the same kind of hurt I experienced. I also crouched low to her daughter’s level then told her “Baby girl, don’t be like mummy and daddy. I am not a bad person, but I’m sirry to tell you this. Your mummy and daddy aren’t so good people”. She left afterwards. Jimmy sometimes sends messages, but I never replied any.

I told Kennie none of all these, neither did I tell Nancy, though I think she knows. Sometimes, she just preaches to me, none of which I bother to really take to. Those two are already enjoying their marriage, what do they need my forgiveness for?


Let It Go – Episode 24



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