Enabling The Worst in African Relationships

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“Goor mo bindoo nonou” (That is How Men were created)
“Goor la!C’est normal” (He is a Man! It’s normal)
“Goor mo mel nonou” (Men are Like that)


My sisters, my African sisters, time for a Wake Up Call.

In Senegal, these sayings about men are very common. And somehow, men have succeeded to imprint in our subconscious that it is OK for them
– to Cheat on us,
– to betray us,
– to beat us,
– to break our hearts,
– to behave like predators,
– to disrespect us and treat us as they wish because they are Men.

Who gave Birth to men? Women.

Who raised them? Women.

Who allowed them to behave like primates with other peoples’ daughters because they are Men? Women.

Unfortunately, We, Women, are the Enablers.

There are exceptions to the rules but African women have to STOP accepting to be mistreated by men just because they are Men. We, as a society, have given them a “Lifetime Pass” to treat us anyhow and any way they want.

When they cheat on us, we, tolerate it and tell ourselves, they are just Men, that is how they are.

When they beat us to death or close to it, we tell ourselves, they are just Men, that is how they are.

When they abandon us and our children when we need them the most, we and our entourage say the same thing: they are just Men, that is how they are…


We need to start raising our sons differently no matter what society says. Let us raise them to treat women like Queens, to Love themselves deeply, to be Honest, to Love others divinely, to respect women, to become Heart-driven and not Ego-driven, to be kind, generous, loving, to learn how to clean and cook so that they may be appreciative when someone else does that for them.

Let us stop accepting the nonsense beliefs about “men just being men” thus giving them a lifetime privilege to be jerks, treat women like toys and take them for granted. This starts at Home, meaning that you should model this at home with your husband if you have one. If you allow your son’s father to mistreat you, chances are the son will emulate his father.

The irony in Africa is that men do not allow anyone to mistreat their mothers but when it comes to other women, they have different standards. A woman raised them and took great care of them; they grew up and society took over their education. The subliminal matrix that they unconsciously submit to once they start hanging out with other men who influence them or women with no self esteem who allow them to treat them as they wish… they abide to new rules.

Still though we, Women, remain the Enablers and them, the “Men who are Just Men.”

Food for thoughts.


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