There are two kinds of history in a long term love relationship.
The history you bring to a relationship
This kind of history influences who we choose to be in relationship with, and how we view events in the current relationship. Paying attention to this kind of relationship history can help us choose better partners and not repeat the same mistakes.
The history you create in a relationship
Then there is the history we create in a relationship. While we want to create only positive history, in any relationship of any length, there is going to be some negative history as well. One of the challenges faced by the couples whom I coach is what to do with this history when you are trying to change and improve the relationship.
I think you need to be able to do at three things with this history:
- Pay attention to the history.
- Learn from the history.
Occasionally tell the history to Shut Up!
Here’s what I mean.
There are times when a couple or a person is trying to change where history will whisper in your ear things like:
“He/she is never gonna change.”
“You know you can’t get better.”
This is when you need to tell history to shut up, so you can create some positive history in the relationship.