MY WIFE: episode 21

FUNMI: house! Is anyone home?

NKECHI: who is it??? I’m coming! (Opens the door)
why are you here?? What do you want??? I thought you were asked to disappear never to come back!

FUNMI: kechi, good morning?

NKECHI: morning! The name is NKechi!

FUNMI: I learnt you are unwell, are you feeling any better?

NKECHI: oh! So you came to see if your juju worked on me??? No! It didn’t! The God of this family is strong and mighty, your juju is powerless!!!

FUNMI: hahaha! You are funny, Nkechi. Anyways, where is Ebuka??

NKECHI: why are you looking for him? He doesn’t want to have anything to do with you!

FUNMI: I am well aware of that and I am not here to have anything to do with him! So just be an adult for a minute and answer my question!

NKECHI: if you don’t leave this house now, I will unleash the dog on you!

FUNMI: Again, you are acting your shoe size instead of your age! Which dog are we talking about here? The dog I raised as a puppy??? Hahaha!

NKECHI: (starts calling the dog) Jackie! Jackie!
(The dog ran out and immediately he saw Funmi, he fell into her arms and was all over her. Barking In excitement as he jumps up and down her???

FUNMI: (stroking him all over) awwww! Look at my baby! Missed momma? Awwww! I’ll come take you with me soon.

NKECHI: (Hits the dog very hard) come on get back inside you Yoruba dog!

(The dog ran back in and continued to bark in excitement inside)

FUNMI: you abuse human beings and also defenceless animals, You are a coward!
I’m not leaving my dog with you, I’m coming to take him next week!
So what next have you got to release on me? A snake?

NKECHI: no! A slap, if you don’t leave this house now.

FUNMI: Hehehe! If you dare raise your tiny ugly hands on me, I’ll drop my home training on the floor, beat you black, blue and mint, and pick it up again!
Don’t dare this Yoruba angel! Don’t.
Now, where is your brother!

NKECHI: why do you want to see him?

FUNMI: if you must know, I left my uni ID here and I’m back to Uni now, so i need it to gain entrance into the premesis!

NKECHI: Ebuka is holidaying in France with his girl, so you are going to have to come back some other time!

FUNMI: his girl? So Ebuka couldn’t even wait to legally divorce me before bringing in another woman into his house???

NKECHI: I know you think the world revolves around you, but my darling, it doesn’t! It revolves around the sun!
You were replaced while you were still here! I replaced you to teach you a lesson. Whenever and wherever you meet anyone called Nkechi? Bow down and worship her, she is your ancestor!

Under your nose, I got my brother an Igbo bride in whom he is now well pleased. Ebuka and Amara are happy together.
You’ll get their wedding invite soon; and the highest thing you can do about that is to hang yourself. I’ll give you a rope if you need me to.

FUNMI: what did you just say??? Amara?? Amara and Ebuka??? This must be a joke! Kechi, are you serious about this?

NKECHI: have I ever joked with you? She is ten times better than you will ever be!
Ebuka now enjoys the love, goodness, mercy and warmth of an Igbo woman!
He now looks forward to nights, if you know what I mean… ??

FUNMI: ???? God, does this mean you didn’t create any loyal and trustworthy person on earth! (Starts crying and ran out of the premesis)

(Funmi got home, packed all her belongings ready to leave, but she has no place to go and she is also low on funds. She thought of calling Calista to apologise to her but she didn’t pick up her phone. So she decided to call Zain)

ZAIN(?????) Hello…Hello.. why why are you crying? Oh no! What’s the matter?
Okay babe, calm down, take a deep breath…another one, and another one…alright, are you safe where you are?

FUNMI (amidst tears and with an unsteady voice) y-e-s??

ZAIN: perfect! Now, give me the exact address where you are and I’ll be there as fast as I can, alright?

FUNMI: number 12 Ibrahim Kashim Road Wuse2

ZAIN: excellent! See you in a bit. Do you want me to stay on the phone with you while I’m driving down?

FUNMI: no. I’ll be alright.

ZAIN: are you sure?

FUNMI: yes.

ZAIN: see you in a bit!

(Zain drove as fast as he could to Wuse2 and met Funmi in the living room floor crying her eyes out. He quickly went to her, helped her up to her feet and gave her a very long and warm hug until she stopped crying.
Funmi cried on him until her makeup stained his white shirt terribly)

FUNMI: sorry, I’ve just ruined your shirt.

ZAIN: stop talking about a piece of cotton and tell me what’s the problem. You were supposed to be in uni this morning..

FUNMI: yes. After I got ready, I realised my ID was left at my ex husband’s house, so i took a cab down there to get it as I didn’t want to pay another five thousand naira to get another one.
On getting there, I was told that he went to France with his girlfriend.

ZAIN: that ain’t supposed to bother you?

FUNMI: yes. But guess who the girlfriend is?

ZAIN: someone you know? Babe, shiiis like this are the order of the day. Human beings are no longer loyal. If you need a loyal friend, get you a puppy!

See, nothing surprises me anymore. Not when I caught my girl pants down with my plumber in my own damn bedroom! Now, it doesn’t get any worse than that, does it!

FUNMI: the same lady I told you that owns this place. She has been the one supporting me both financially and emotionally since my marriage packed up and now this!??

ZAIN: danm!!! The same lady you described as an angel? Well, the devil was once an angel. Safe to say she is now an ex angel.

FUNMI: I just needed someone to talk to about what next to do. I’m done packing my belongings but I don’t know whether to leave now or wait until she returns.

ZAIN: now, you’ve got to be smart when dealing with human beings. If you leave her house before she comes back, she can turn around and accuse you of stealing her stuff and making away with them. It Will be her words against yours.
Let her come back, hand her keys over to her then we will get you a temporal place while looking for a house for you.

FUNMI: gosh! I can’t even face her!

ZAIN: unfortunately, the world is littered with hypocrites. We have to face them every day whether we like it or not. Now, get dressed let’s go somewhere as beautiful as you are!

FUNMI: let me put some makeup on

ZAIN: no you don’t have to. You look stunning without them. Moreover, we are going swimming anyway!

EBUKA: sitting right opposite you in the city of love is a dream come true! Today is the best day of my life.

AMARACHI: same here, babe.

EBUKA: so tell me, why did you never let me have sex with you back home.

AMARACHI: erm, with me, sex does not happen if my emotions are not hundred percent in it. There are a few factors that have been stopping me from having sex with you.

EBUKA: do you not find me sexually attractive?

AMARACHI: I do actually, but I feel it might be disrespectful to Nkechi to have sex with you under the same roof with her.

EBUKA: but that’s what Nkechi has been praying for! Remember that day at the pool?


EBUKA: she excused herself in the guise of going to get credit to call mum just so we can have some privacy


EBUKA: so, there is no Nkechi or anyone else here. So can I finally get to see beneath her beautiful garments after breakfast?

AMARACHI: sure! This is the best place in the world to have sex. Hahahah!

EBUKA: I’ve been dying for a day like this. I can’t wait baby! I’ve never been this starved all my life. Gosh!

AMARACHI: so why were you pretending that day when I wanted you as badly as I want you now?

EBUKA: I know I look like a play boy, but I’m actually a one man one woman kinda man.
I was still with that little dirty cheat then. I wish that day will repeat itself today.

AMARACHI: hehehehe! You want me to take the lead role, aye? Lazy boy!

EBUKA: I may be lazy everywhere else, but not in bed. Do you want to find out?


EBUKA: (turns his back to Amara) jump on!

(Amara jumped on Ebuka’s back and he carried her into their hotel room. Needless to describe how aroused Ebuka was at this point..
Well, he gently dropped her on the bed, and as he tried to undo her buttons, she stopped him)

AMARACHI: wait! Wait Ebuka! I want to ask you a question.

EBUKA: babe! What question again!

AMARACHI: did you ever have sex with that Yoruba girl?

EBUKA: who? Funmi?


EBUKA: what is the meaning of this question now! Of course I did!!! We were married for crickey’s sake!

AMARACHI: I can’t get it over my head.

EBUKA: but that was my past! That happened before I met you! Why do you have to punish me for something I did with someone I was married to!
Come on! This is silly

AMARACHI: (doing up her buttons) really? Is it?

EBUKA: are you listening to yourself at all? Don’t you have an ex?
Have you not had sex with another man before now?
Why are you being selfish!
I had sex with someone I was married to before I met you, so what!!!

AMARACHI: (??pours herself a glass of wine, takes a sip, winks at Ebuka, and walks out)

To be continued

What do you think will happen next??

MY WIFE: episode 22

(After what transpired between Amara and Ebuka yesterday, Ebuka left their room and spent the whole night in the hotel’s bar. Around 3am, he came in and met Amara sitting on the one seater sofa by the bed..)

EBUKA: why are you not sleeping?

AMARACHI: why do you care!

EBUKA: Amara, I’m really sorry..

AMARACHI: what are you sorry for?

EBUKA: I am sorry for everything that happened last night. How I spoke to you and how I left you all alone. I thought I should just go to the bar, drink and forget it all; but I just couldn’t drink so I sat there all night.
I managed to finish a glass of lemonade I bought.
I promise to let things happen naturally between us. I sat down and gave it a thought, and I realised I may have been pushing things a little too fast.
I promise to give you all the time you need to get over the fact that I ever slept with her.
If you need any professional help, I’ll pay for it.

(Sits on the opposite her ) Amara?


EBUKA: I want to advise you on something. For a moment, forget about everything that has happened to us, forget about our relationship and all that. See me as a friend advising you.

You see what happened last night? Never ever try it with any other man. Now, I would never in my life have unconsented sex with a woman. Even if we had started, the minute she withdraws her consent, I’m done! But not many guys out there can say same of themselves.

AMARACHI: I just wanted you to feel her pains!?

EBUKA:?whose pains?

AMARACHI: she’s been in bits ever since!

EBUKA: what the hell are you talking about!

AMARACHI: I’m talking about funmi! I am talking about your wife!

EBUKA: oh I see! So this is what it’s all about right? Women supporting women huh?

AMARACHI: she’s going through so much emotional trauma ??

EBUKA: well, she should have thought about that when she opened her legs to her boss! ??
You speak of pain? Do you even know the taste of pain? No you don’t !

Do you know how much it hurts to know that the woman you so much loved, trusted and cherished was cheating on you??
Do you know how many times I contemplated suicide? Do you?
Do you know what it feels like being made to feel less of a man?
I loved that lady more than any woman I’ve even been with.
Now, let me be sincere to you, I know I have told you that I love you and all, but I do not love you half as much as I loved Funmi

(takes off his shirt pointing to a huge scare on his lower back)
Look at this! This was done to me by a cult member who wanted Funmi when we were in uni.
I was tortured for three days with no water or food and told that if I am even seen anywhere around her, I would be killed.

When I was released, guess where I went first? Guess where I bloody went first! (Starts crying??)I… I….went straight to her hostel.
I was ready to die for her.?

But what did I get paid with? Cheating and lying!
Tell me about pain! No, tell me!

AMARACHI: what if I tell you she never cheated?

EBUKA: oh cut the crap! Did you not listen to the conversation between her and her friend?

AMARACHI: Ebuka, things are not always what they look like. What she admitted to in that recorded conversation, happened three years before she met you! No, I don’t mean three years before she married you. I mean three freaking years before she met you!

EBUKA: oh shut up! I met Funmi in her final year at the university!

AMARACHI: and it happened when she went for her industrial training in year one! When she graduated, she went back there and they offered her a job!

EBUKA: how did you know??

AMARACHI: because I took the time, asked her and listened to her. Something you never bothered to do.

EBUKA: she never told me? All she would say whenever I asked her, was that she didn’t cheat!

AMARACHI: because she didn’t cheat! You married Funmi. You have known her longer than I have; but it took me only a few days to find out that she is not the most confident person in the world.
People like her rarely can defend themselves. They would rather cry their hearts out in secret than engage in such argument with anyone. Especially in matters as sensitive as this one.
Ebuka, you failed in your duty as her husband!
You allowed your sister and brother to think for you.
Listen Ebuka, if I were to be married to you, I would make you choose between marrying me and keeping your sister in my house.
My goodness! Nkechi has no respect whatsoever for your wife, and you do literally nothing about it!

The way she speaks to her, the way she treats her and make mockery of her accent. Take this from me, not many women will take it. I definitely wouldn’t!.

EBUKA: do you mean she slept with her boss before we got married??????

AMARACHI: no. She slept with him before she met you! And it wasn’t even a case of an employee opening her legs to her employer. They were in a serious relationship!
Osai had met funmi’s family and all that.

When they met with the church’s committee, they asked them to run some compatibility tests. Unfortunately, their genotypes posed a risk.

EBUKA: Amara, I’m going back to Nigeria now to look for MY WIFE! You can stay here and relax. Everything is paid for until Friday, so the choice is yours!

AMARACHI: I’ll help you find her.

(Ebuka and Amara boarded the next available flight and arrived Nigeria at about 8am in the morning. Amara told Ebuka that she was going to see her brother, while Ebuka hurriedly went home to begin his search for Funmi.

Amara got to Wuse2 and met Funmi and Zain. Funmi’s belongings were all in the living room as she had made up her mind to leave Amara’s house)

AMARACHI: (opens the door) hello! Looks like we’ve got a visitor. What’s up Funmi?

FUNMI: Amara, even you? You of all people, Amara? You told me I could trust you, you told me I could talk to you. You made me comfortable outside and occupied my home inside.
Amara, May you be rewarded in your own coin! Everything you’ve done to me, another will do to you! This evil that you did will surely come back to you in folds

AMARACHI: amen! Funmi, I have done you no wrong! I have not broken any single promise I made to you. You have to believe me, please!

FUNMI: (pushes her out of the way) get out of my face you whore! (Walks out of the premesis)

ZAIN: come on girl! That wasn’t on! That’s your fellow woman. How could you hurt a girl who is already terribly hurt! What do you stand to gain? Her husband? Karma has got you on her list, babe! Wait for it soon!

AMARACHI: (starts crying) please don’t judge me if you don’t know my mission)

ZAIN: what blooming mission is that!

AMARACHI: I’ve never slept with her husband. I have been working hard to restore her home and I am almost done please don’t let all my efforts be in vain.
Please help explain to her. I have been able to get her husband to know the real truth???

Here,?? I have a full clip of everything that happened in France with me. My boyfriend got me this CCTV and I went with it. Please help me beg her to watch it.

ZAIN: hmmm! Now this is getting interesting. Give me a minute, I’ll get her!

(Zain managed to convince Funmi to watch the CCTV footage of everything that transpired between them. Half way through it, Funmi felled Amara’s knees and in tears, begged her to forgive her..)

ZAIN: girl, you are not human! Human beings don’t do this sort of thing. Human beings hurt, hate, kill and betray each other. What department of heaven are you from?

AMARACHI: thank you for making this happen. I’m glad I have my sister back?

FUNMI: (Hugs her and they both started crying)

ZAIN: (struggling to hold back his tears) gosh! And I thought I was a man! Ladies, stop it please! Oh! You both are so sweet!

FUNMI: Amara, guess what?

AMARACHI: tell me.

FUNMI: our parcel arrived and has been sold. I placed another order for ten thousand pairs and we made a profit of seven hundred thousand naira!
It’s resting in our joint account!????

AMARACHI: Oh my God! Are you serious!?????

EBUKA () Nkechi mepee Uzo!! (Open the door!) Nkechi!! Nkechi!! Jesus Christ! Where is this girl! I need to go find MY WIFE! Nkechi!!

EFE: ?‍?‍?‍ good morning, brother Ebuka

EBUKA: morning, Efe. Have you seen my sister at all today?

EFE: Auntie Nkechi no well so my madam and oga carry am go hospital since yesterday. So them give me key say make I give you when you return

EBUKA: what! Wetin dey happen to her?

EFE: I no know o! Them say she dey vomit blood commot for her mouth and when she pee, blood go dey commot. I no sure but you fit call my madam and ask am.

EBUKA: damn It! (Collects the keys from Efe, went in grabbed his car keys and started driving out of the compound while ringing her neighbours to know which hospital they took Nkechi to…)

To be continued

MY WIFE. Episode 23

EBUKA: My God! Nkechi what is going on? What happened to you?? Why didn’t you call me!

NKECHI: I didnt want to disturb you guys. You need some time to get to know each other.

EBUKA: is dede Chinwendu aware?

NKECHI: yes. He sent the money for the second dialysis I had.

AMARACHI: Nkechi, don’t fret okay? We are here for you. I Will donate my kidney. I don’t want you to give in to fear.

NKECHI: (smiles) how was your short holiday? No tell me say you no carry belle come back o!

AMARACHI: you no well! Have you eaten?

NKECHI: yes. Our neighbour brought me food. She is so kind

AMARACHI: which one?

NKECHI: the Yoruba woman that sells black soap.

AMARACHI: awww! Bless her!

EBUKA: where is the doctor?

NKECHI: his office is just after that vending machine.

EBUKA: let me go and speak with him?‍?‍?‍

(Ebuka got into the doctor’s office and he asked him to take a seat)

DOCTOR: you must be Miss Okoye’ s brother right?

EBUKA: I am. What’s happening to my sister?

DOCTOR: ermm, your sister has advanced chronic kidney disease. She came to the hospital too late.

We can’t emphasise the importance of reporting to your doctor as soon as you notice any changes in your body, enough! We can’t!

EBUKA: what exactly does this mean?

DOCTOR: it means that her kidneys are not functioning properly. Normally, your kidneys filter the blood, to rid it of harmful waste products and excess fluid and then turn them into urine to be passed out of the body.

So because her kidneys are not working, her blood is not being filtered. When she came to the hospital, we noticed that waste products and excess fluid are already building up to a dangerous level. That was why we recommended immediate heomodialysis to help filter those unwanted substances and fluid from her blood.

We have since then done two dialysis that is why she is the way she is now. When she was brought to us, she was really down.

Ebuka: hmmm! So how long would this carry on?

DOCTOR: unfortunately, her kidneys won’t be able to recover. So, she invariably would need kidney transplant. The good news is that she is healthy enough to undergo transplant. But we will keep doing the dialysis until we get her a suitable donor.

EBUKA: doctor, I am a very healthy young man. I have no medical condition whatsoever. So I’ll donate mine.

DOCTOR: erm, being physically healthy does not automatically make you a suitable donor. We would need to carry out three main tests on you. That is after we have checked that you in fact have two kidneys, because some people are born with just one.

In that case, they would not be able to donate their only kidney. Since you’ve stated that you have no health conditions such as diabetes, high blood pressure or HIV, I will now go ahead and carry out a blood test to determine your blood type and if it will match your sister’s blood.

I will also do two more blood tests called tissue typing and cross matching

If it all comes out good, then we would perform the surgery on you. Otherwise, we continue with the dialysis until we find her a suitable donor.

EBUKA: please do the tests now.

AMARACHI: doctor, I want the tests done on me as well, so that if one doesn’t match, we use the other!

DOCTOR: Alright. I’ll only take blood from both of you today. The results will take about three to five days to come out. But I need to emphasise that she requires another dialysis tomorrow and that would cost a total of eighty thousand naira for the two hours.

EBUKA: okay! Where do I make the payment?

DOCTOR: please pay at the reception. Thanks.

(Ebuka and Amara went back to the ward where Nkechi was lying in bed)

EBUKA: Darling, don’t worry at all. I am your big brother and I will not allow a thing to happen to you. I will give both kidneys if that is what it takes, okay?

NKECHI: thanks dede. I’m not scared I’m just worried about mama. She has been crying since yesterday. Please I want her to come and stay here with me.

EBUKA: I’ll call chijioke to put her in the plane tomorrow and I’ll pick her up from the airport. So do not worry about that.

I will go drop Amara off and come back. What would you like to eat?

NKECHI: drop her off? Both of you should go home! You are almost a new couple. You should spend more time together. I’ll be fine; the nurses are very efficient.

AMARACHI: NK, I and your brother are just friends now. Nothing more.

NKECHI: what! Please don’t make my condition worse! Why? How!

EBUKA: Nkechi, I must bring Funmi back as my wife. She did not do any of the things she was accused of.

NKECHI: over my dead body! Unless I die of this ailment. No way I’m letting that witch back to that house! Look how happy and bubbly you are since she left!

EBUKA: Amara, let me drop you off. Nkechi I’ll be back soon.

(Amara and Ebuka went into the car and drove off)

AMARACHI: please drop me at Wuse2. That’s where my brother’s girlfriend lives. I’ll be staying with her henceforth.

EBUKA: and you are sure you have no idea where Funmi is?

AMARACHI: unfortunately, not. I saw her last in the market and I didn’t remember to ask where she lives.

EBUKA: I saw her online on whatsapp, wrote her, called….all was ignored. I’ve written every apology I know how to. I made voice notes…none got a response.

AMARACHI: she’ll come around.

EBUKA: phewww! Do you know that I have not heard from the Dubai car dealers?

AMARACHI: what!!!

EBUKA: you heard that right. I haven’t. The only money I have on me right now is the money we came back from France with. I’ve paid eighty thousand naira out of it for Nkechi’s dialysis. Brother Chinwendu is currently unemployed. Jesus! I hope God is not mistaking me for the biblical Job!

AMARACHI: don’t start sounding defeated already. Keep the faith. Just drop me anywhere here.

EBUKA: are you sure?


EBUKA: alright. Please help me with searching for Funmi. That is the only thing that will make sense in my life right now. Please my dear sister, help me with this! Please! Say me hi to your brother

AMARACHI: I will do my best.

(Amarachi got home and met Funmi trying out some new posh under garments)

AMARACHI: hmmm! Someone did some serious shopping today!

FUNMI: hehehe! I didn’t o! Na gift

AMARACHI: gift? Who from?

FUNMI: someone nice.

AMARACHI: hmmmm! Mr nice better be told you are married o!

FUNMI: me, married? Joker!

AMARACHI: Nkechi has chronic kidney disease…

FUNMI: Jesu!!! When! How??

AMARACHI: we didn’t meet her at home when we came back. A neighbour took her to the hospital

FUNMI: Oh my God! Which hospital?


FUNMI: Oh! This is sad! Please extend my greetings to her when you see her again. Her brother should be able to afford kidney transplant. I hope the surgery and everything goes well.

AMARACHI: Ebuka was defrauded. He is currently worth less than a million.

FUNMI: That can’t be true???

AMARACHI: it is. So tell me about this Zain o! He is hot by the way.

FUNMI: hot and nice o!

AMARACHI: are you guys dating?

FUNMI: ermm, I wouldn’t say that, but we are just letting things flow freely

AMARACHI: hian! Free flow of things! Ebuka is dying to hear from you.

FUNMI: please don’t tell me about ebuka. Don’t spoil my mood please!

To be continued

If you are Funmi, will you accept Ebuka back??

MY WIFE: episode 25

(Amara came home after spending most of her day at the hospital but didn’t find Funmi at home, so she started ringing her)

AMARACHI: (?????) babe, where are you?

FUNMI: (???) hey babe, I’m at Zain’s. How are you?

AMARACHI: doing what? Are you not coming back?

FUNMI: no, I think I’ll spend the night here.

AMARACHI: you’ll spend the night at a man’s house, Funmi???

FUNMI: what’s wrong with that. You are talking to an adult with full mental capacity, remember?

AMARACHI: yes! One who is married too!

FUNMI: no babe, don’t get your tenses wrong. One who was married!

AMARACHI: I’m sure you know you are still legally married to Ebuka

FUNMI: separated is also a recognised relationship status!

AMARACHI: Funmi, this is not you at all. How could you so easily fall in love with a guy you met barely a month ago!
What if he is a ritualist? What else do you know about him apart from his name and phone number?

FUNMI: I know he’s handsome, I know he’s kind and I know he will never treat me the way EBUKA did! That’s enough knowledge; don’t you think!

Come on! How could you be contradicting yourself! Were you not the one who preached to me about moving on? Finding happiness and never crying for a man. I took your advice on board and I must say, I am loving it! I know I once asked you not to date or marry Ebuka, but now, I take it back. If you so care about that family, then go ahead and marry him!

AMARACHI: okay, Funmi I’m sorry, okay! I’m not trying to dictate to you how to live your life, I just want you to have your family back. Family is everything, sweetheart!

FUNMI: Zain wants to speak with you, please. I’m tired of this conversation already! (Passes the phone to Zain)

ZAIN: Hello, Amara how are you?

AMARACHI: I’m fine. Good day.

ZAIN: listen, I know whatever you are doing is borne out of genuine concern and love for your friend. So I understand that very well. But please I am not a bad person.
I know good people are currently in short supply but rest assured she is in good hands.
All I care about is her happiness. Every other thing is secondary

AMARACHI: if you care so much about her, why not bring her back home!

ZAIN: unfortunately, I can’t bring her home. Your friend sustained an injury so I am looking after her

AMARACHI: an injury! What did you do to her!!! What kind of injury is that and why do you think you can look after her more than I can!!!
If she requires any personal care, do you think it will be appropriate for you to do that for her knowing she is a married woman??

She is another man’s wife! Go get yours. For crying out loud! You are young and successful so go get yourself a wife and leave another man’s wife alone!
What’s this trend of young boys going after people’s wives!

ZAIN: do you want me to answer that question? Well, it might just be because husbands are leaving their duty towards their wives undone and those young men are taking them on.

AMARACHI: oh spare me the gospel!

ZAIN: Amara, I can see you are really getting too upset now, so it’s in the interest of both of us that I drop this call.
Sorry, I’m gonna have to hang up now.

AMARACHI: pass the phone to Funmi. I need to tell her something!

ZAIN: (gives funmi the phone)

FUNMI: you are on to me

AMARACHI: Nkechi has got a donor

FUNMI: oh my God!!!! Thank you, Jesus! This is what you should have told me instead of all that gibberish you were chatting earlier on!
Who is the person?

AMARACHI: anonymous. All we know about her is her name. She is called Zainab.

FUNMI: that’s an Hausa name! Wow. God indeed is gracious. I hope Nkechi becomes more open minded after this. I thought she would have rejected the kidney and wait for one from an Igbo prince or princess as she would put it.

AMARACHI: also, same Zainab paid Ebuka’s debt to his company for five months or so

FUNMI: hian! I hope she is not one of his numerous concubines from uni days. And he pretends not to know this person?

AMARACHI: he doesn’t

FUNMI: I don’t believe him; but again, it’s none of my business. I wish them well. I have a great news to share with you when I come back

AMARACHI: hmmmm! Funmi! Walk with your brains. Don’t walk before them!

FUNMI: yes ma’am

DOCTOR : good morning, guys. Erm, we successfully carried out an operation on the donor in her preferred hospital yesterday. It was a seven hour operation.

We have got the kidney with us now. The nurses will be here at nine on the dot to get you ready for transplant. Okay?

NKECHI: okay doctor. I’m just scared; would i be alright?

DOCTOR: erm, we hope you will. No surgery is risk free and definitely not one as complex as a transplant. We do not guarantee anything but you can count us to do our best.

NKECHI: mummy?

MADAM EBERE: yes, darling

NKECHI: please pray for me.

MADAM EBERE: what else is my duty? I have been talking to God and I know he will never let me down. My only daughter! Mbanu! (Never) nothing will happen to you!

EBUKA: Nk, you need to join faith with us. Give no room for fear and doubt. Cast down every imagination that contradicts the word of God. His word says we shall live and not die.
I have been fasting with mummy and brother Chinwendu’s family since yesterday.
So all will be well, alright

(Ebuka’s phone rings???) when he looked at the screen, it was Mr Churchill. His heart skipped two beats)

EBUKA: Jesus Christ!

MADAM EBERE: o gini? (What is it?)

EBUKA: nothing, mama. I’m just gonna go outside and take this call. Be right back?‍?‍?‍?‍??

Hello, good morning sir. Please I understand that I need to make this month’s payment and believe me I have been running around to put something together. I am not on the run, sir. I can’t

MR CHURCHILL: good morning, Mr Okoye. Calm down! Listen, you are one of my favourite staff and it was sad to let you go, but the company has policies which I am duty bound to abide by.

But I believe you are a very lucky young man.
Yesterday, a lady by name Zainab came to the office and made five months payment of your debt. So for five months, we won’t be taking any money from you.
I also know how difficult things are for you right now, if you need any assistance from me, please let me know.

EBUKA: God bless you, sir!

MR CHURCHILL: no worries Mr Okoye. I learnt your sister is awaiting kidney transplant. How is she?

EBUKA: she will be going into the theatre in about two hours time.

MR CHURCHILL: oh I wish her good luck with that. When you get her bills, forward it to me. I’ll take care of it.

EBUKA: did I hear you right, sir

MR CHURCHILL: you did, man! Come on! You are still my boy! I remember how young you were when you started with us. Young, ambitious and hardworking.
I know you got your hands dirty, but that does not erase every other wonderful contribution you have made towards the success of this company!

EBUKA: (tearfully) sir, I cannot express how I feel about this. I’m sorry I disappointed you. It’s a mistake I’ll regret for the rest of my life?
Can I please ask what this Zainab of a lady looks like?

MR CHURCHILL: I’m sure she is a Muslim lady in her early thirties as she was wearing a hijab. She came with her husband and she had a wedding band on. Tall and fair. I’m not good with describing people, so that’s about it

EBUKA: I wish I know this person so I can at least say thank you to her!

MR CHURCHILL: I guess you can also pass it around by doing something nice for someone else when you are in a position to do so. That’s how the world can be a better and less hostile place to live.
I’ll leave you now so you spend more time with your sister before her surgery.

To be contnued

Do you think that funmi will leave Zain and go back to Emeka again??


Nkechi’s surgery was successful and she was discharged after Mr Churchill paid her hospital bills.
The doctor asked them to come back to hospital today for check up. Also, because they had been demanding to see the donor, the doctor told them that they would have the opportunity to meet with her today.
So they all got ready, picked Amara up from Wuse2 and made their way to the hospital.
EBUKA: you know things happen sometimes to show you the real colours of people. I can’t believe Funmi would so easily fall in love with another man! It’s really sad it breaks me thinking of it
MADAM EBERE: but you did the same if not that Amara didn’t let you. I mean, you were already making wedding plans.
EBUKA: that’s different, mummy! I am a man!
MADAM EBERE: so what? Does owning a penis give you any right owning a vagina doesnt give her?
AMARACHI: there we go! Mama has gone outrightly vulgar to drive home a very important point. Whilst I do not support what Funmi is doing right now, I can also see her points.
She was really treated like she never mattered.
NKECHI: say what you know, Amara! Who treated her like she never mattered. She was married and still running around with men! So lazy, the only meal she can cook is that slimy nasty food of hers! Very unwilling to integrate into the culture she was married in.
Please stop playing this unpaid defence role!
I’m glad she is finally out of this family!
And I’m not going to beg you to marry Ebuka anymore.
There are many fishes in the ocean and Ebuka is a skilled fisherman, if you know what I mean!
MADAM EBERE: But Amara told us she never cheated. Whatever happened was before she met your brother!
NKECHI: oh please! Believe that and believe anything!
MADAM EBERE: Oh well, I’d still prefer a cheat over that scum of the earth you call your boyfriend?
NKECHI: enough mummy! Leave him out of this!
EBUKA: I just wish I can undo a lot of things. I wish I can have MY WIFE back. She was the perfect soul mate. She stood by me when her parents wouldn’t give their consent.
She was willing to be with me at all cost!
NKECHI: oh stop the pity party and concentrate on the road! Mtchewww!
MADAM EBERE: how dare you speak to your elder brother like that! Are you going crazy! Thank your stars I’m in the front seat, you would have received a fantastic right hand of fellowship this morning. Ara na agba gi!(you Are crazy)
NKECHI: I’ll buy credit on our way home and tell brother Chinwendu how all of you turned against me?
MADAM EBERE: oh shut up and grow up!!
(They got to the hospital and Nkechi had her check up. Then the doctor asked them to come into a designated hall in the building. They all got there and sat down)
DOCTOR: Nkechi, I’m glad your wound is healing quite fast. You have actually made a better recovery than your donor.
She is still on antibiotics and her wounds are still very fresh.
I know you can’t wait to see her, but please be gentle on her. Okay?
NKECHI: I pray I am able to hold myself
DOCTOR: you must. Alright, guys I’ll go and get her.
(The doctor opened the a double door in the hall and Funmi supported on one side by Zain and on the other side by Chika, came through. For a moment, nobody said a word…)
DOCTOR: here is Zainab, the very kindhearted donor who gave you a life.
AMARACHI: wait! Am I dreaming??? Funmi?? Chika?? Zain????? what is this?
EBUKA: can someone explain to us what is going on! I’m going insane! Funmi, what’s this movie about?? Are you truly the donor??
NKECHI: somebody talk to us!!! Funmi, d-i-d y-o-u donate yo..ur..kid-ney…
MADAM EBERE: hieeeee! Chineke!!!!
FUNMI: (starts crying)???
ZAIN: (gently helps her to sit down) guys, I met this lady broken. When I said broken, I meant every alphabet in that word.
The most interesting part was that she still loved the people who broke her.
Like a rose she still was willing to leave a sweet smell on the shoes that crushed her.
Honestly, when I met her, I wanted to date her. I loved her in that sense. But one day I went swimming with her, a swimming that actually never happened. She poured out her heart to me.
She couldn’t go back to her parents. Her only life was her work life.
The treatment she got from you, she didn’t deserve but thank God for people like this lady right her (points at Amara) she is an angel. She sheltered her, gave her every emotional and financial support she could afford
EBUKA: Amara! Even you??? You told me you have never seen Funmi!!!
AMARACHI: ??? when I realised you were going to send her out of the house, I had to find a way to get money from you and paid for a house in Wuse2
I also wasn’t sure if she would retain her job, so i got money out of you to start a shoe business for her.
Although I told her we owned the business jointly, I actually registered it in your name and her name.
I have never used a penny of the profit on myself. I’ve got all the expenses written down. I used some to buy things for Funmi on her birthday and some I used to pay for Nkechi’s dialysis when you couldn’t afford it. I have all the documents with me.
DOCTOR: wow!
NKECHI:???? (kneels in front of Funmi) Funmi, you mean you gave me this life I am living now. Why? Despite everything I did to you? How is this possible?
How did you know I needed a kidney?
Why are you so kind. Why? Why Funmi? I hated you, and I never failed to show it whenever and wherever the opportunity presented itself
FUNMI: ???
NKECHI: say something to me? why????? how could you be such a sweet soul!
FUNMI: please stand up, remember your wounds are not completely healed. Being married to your brother meant you became my sister.
I am an only child and always wanted a sister. When I first met you, I was so excited but things didn’t work out the way I had thought.
But again, even real sister don’t always get along but that doesn’t mean they are not sisters.
I’m so happy to see you alive and well. I couldn’t have watched you suffer and die.
Amarachi, you are more righteous than I can ever be. Your acts of kindness made me do this. I wanted to pass it on in the hope that Nkechi would pass it on too so that it will carry on until the world becomes a better place.
A place full of love and kindness. A place where a person’s tribe, religion, race and colour does not determine how they are treated.
It starts with me…..
EBUKA:(hugs Funmi) I believed a lie. I never wanted to leave you but this lie came with strong and convincing evidence. I wanted to marry Amara just to get back at you and I was going to abandon her after wedding and go to France for good.
I had all my plans in place but this lady right here (points to Amara) is something else!
CHIKA: (gets down on one knee with a diamond ring in his hand) dear beloved girlfriend, Amara. I’ve been waiting for the perfect day, the perfect time and the perfect moment. What could be more perfect than now!
I remember our first date at a swimming pool, a baby nearly drowned and you quickly dived in and saved her. Since that day, you have never stopped stepping into the dirtiest mud even if it puts your life and reputation at risk.
You are the best of your kind, baby. Please will you marry me?
EBUKA: she is supposed to be your sister!!! Seriously what is going on! Who has the remote of the TV please change this channel! Amara!!!
AMARACHI: oh! My God!!! (Hugs Chika) yes I will!!!????
Ebuka, I wasn’t lying when I told you I was an only child. You were too angry to register it in your brains and Nkechi was bent on getting rid of Funmi that she didn’t remember to ask how I suddenly had a brother hehehehe! We were all playing each other
DOCTOR: guys, I’ve seen the most painful of deaths but trust me, none made me cry as much as you guys did!
My hope in humanity is restored!!
EBUKA: Do I have MY
WIFE back?
FUNMI: the question should be, do I have MY husband back?


SOMTEE: I am so pleased to have you join us on this platform today!
Thank you!
So let’s start with you, madam Bola. What do you have to tell our readers? Please keep it short
MADAM BOLA: my message to you all out there is that life is so erratic. The tables do turn quite unexpectedly. Be kind to all!
I also want to use this opportunity to tell you all that I and Adaku are now like mother and daughter.
She is due to have a baby this month and she has asked me to come to Canada and I can’t wait to do everything her mother would have done for her if she were alive.
SOMTEE: awwwww! Amazing! Well, we wish her all the best and pray your relationship continues to flourish.
Zain, we didn’t see much of you in the whole story, but you definitely weren’t insignificant. What do you have to say to our readers?
ZAIN: erm, it was very hard for me to kill my initial feelings for Funmi. But I went home and tried to put myself in her husband’s shoes. Then I decided I would help her rebuild her home instead of destroying it.
My advice to everyone out there is, before you sleep with a married man or woman, think of how much damage you may be doing to their home.
If possible, help them rebuild their home. Quit being a home breaker.
It is also my pleasure to announce to you guys that I and Nkechi got engaged last week. We will be getting married in August by the grace of God
SOMTEE: wow! How? We didn’t see that coming?
ZAIN: I know hehehe. After the hospital reunion, I became the family’s friend and would occasionally visit them…one thing led to another and I just fell in love with her
SOMTEE: fantastic! Well, we wish you both all the best for the future. Madam Ebere, you were more or less neutral towards Funmi; how did you feel when your son broke the news that he was getting married to a Yoruba woman to you?
MADAM EBERE: erm, I didn’t necessarily hate her, and I wouldn’t say she was my favourite person in the world either.
When Ebuka brought her to the village, I welcomed her and made sure she was comfortable. But deep down, I think I wished she could understand the Igbo language so I can have some deep conversation with her.
To everyone out there, please accept whoever your child chose to spend his life with. Your duty is to give them your blessing and be a mother to both of them. Funmi has been a blessing to my household and I will forever be indebted to her.
SOMTEE: Wow! Thanks for that advice. Chika! I particularly find you interesting! What were you thinking!
CHIKA: hahaha! I know Rossy!
ROSSY: how could you allow your girlfriend travel with a man! Tell us!
CHIKA: erm, my girl is trustworthy. She has been from day one, so she merits that depth of trust.
But I have to admit that things were playing up on my mind while she was there. There were times when I called her in the middle of the night just to make sure they are not having sex or something. Hahaha!
SOMTEE: I can imagine! So what does the future hold for the both of you?
CHIKA: well, we will be going back to Spain after our traditional wedding a week after Zain’s. Currently, I am setting up an NGO in her name. They will basically help rebuild broken homes where possible, and where not, they would support victims to get back on their feet.
To every man out there, get a girlfriend like mine. Hahaha! Just support your girl in whatever her passion is. Cheers
SOMTEE: awwww! So nice of you to have done that for her! Thank you. Ebuka! Hmmmm talk to us.
EBUKA: I actually lack words.i just want to say to everyone out there, if you find true love, keep it.
Things are not always what they look like, please verify before you crucify.
Also, it is your duty to protect your wife against external attacks. By external, I mean both families and friends.
Let me also mention that I’ve now found another job in Chevron as a managing director.
The best part is that I and Funmi are expecting our first child.
I have expanded her shoe business. It’s one of the biggest in town.
Please permit me to say a very big thank you to Amara. This lady is the reason my family is back together.
Special thanks to you, Amara and from the depth of my heart, I wish you a very successful marriage with your sweetheart, Chika.
SOMTEE: awwww! Someone pass me some tissues! Okay! I need to remain professional! Dear Funmi, talk to us. By the way, pregnancy looks great on you!
FUNMI: (smiles) thanks, Rossy. It wasn’t easy being hated that much. At some point I felt Like doing that which I was accused of so that the whole ill treatment would be justified.
I would like to emphasise on the need to be careful with best friends and secrets.
Please keep some secrets with yourself. Trust no one hundred percent.
For Nkechi, I just want to say I love you and I hold nothing you did to me against you.
I would give you my kidney over and over again.
I’m so glad to be both Igbo and yoruba, and I am learning the Igbo language so I can communicate better with mama in law😊😊
SOMTEE: awwwww! I must admit you are such an angel. Just trying to imagine what I would do in your shoes. Heaven help me! Hehe! Amara the girl!
Can I just say you are my namesake!
AMARACHI: awww really!
SOMTEE: yes! So what made you the way you are. Not so many people will go out of their way to mend a broken home. What pushes you??
AMARACHI: my desire to see a better world. To leave the work better than I met it.
You know my initial understanding was that Ebuka needed to be rescued. Nkechi told me he was being abused by the wife, she turned him against his family bla bla. On getting there however, I noticed that it was in fact Funmi who needed rescuing so I quickly changed position.
I’m glad this family has not joined the statistics of dysfunctional families in Nigeria.
Special thanks to my fiance for his understanding and support. Only a guy like Chika can date me haha! It’s not easy knowing that your girlfriend is somewhere playing a woman of loose morals in another man’s house.
That said, I must admit that I did do certain things I wouldn’t be doing anymore this time.
SOMTEE: what are those?
AMARACHI: going to France with Ebuka was just extreme. Anything could have happened. In my subsequent ones, I would device safer means to achieve my goals.
I love Nkechi, I love Funmi, I love EBUKA and I love my dearly beloved Chika more.
Bye bye!




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