When an ex-boyfriend of mine admitted to cheating on me, after we were in a few years long relationship, I literally died emotionally. I felt like I never poured so much of my heart, mind, soul and strength into a relationship. After we ended, I immediately told myself that I was not going to date. I wasn’t thinking about a man. I didn’t care how cute he looked, how fine or how smooth he was. And honestly, I didn’t even care about “how saved” he was either, because my ex was a Christian. I just couldn’t stand what happened to me and I was determined to separate myself from the dating world. I focused on me, me and me.
Well, God sure has a sense of humor. Because, a year and a half later, I had no idea God that He was sending the man I would later marry. And, by the time we met, I did not have a “10 step guide on How to Catch and Keep a Husband.” Nope. Instead, I did what many scorned women do. I put up a huge defense mechanism and made that brother suffer.
Oh, yes I did.
There were times when he’d sit next to me and put his arm around my shoulder to show affection and I’d turn around and give him the evil eye that said, “You better back up!” And when we’d go on a date and he would attempt to hold my hand, I’d purposely put a huge open space between us just so he couldn’t reach my hand.
A part of me felt awful for treating him so badly. He was such a gentle giant–a tall 6’5″ athlete. And little ol’ me was one tough cookie to deal with. But ladies, I was WRONG!
You see, I came out of a terrible relationship and was going through a healing process. And truth be told, my now husband could have easily shut it down and said “forget it.” I was literally dragging him through the dirt and under the train to win my affection. But I believe this isn’t what God wants us to do. We have to be open to receive the blessings He has for us.
You like to be blessed, right? And when God blesses you with whatever he has in store for you (whether it’s a financial, healing, spiritual or tangible blessing), you want it and you want to be in the proper position to receive it, right? Well, the same applies to your relationship with your future husband.
Now, I know it’s not easy coming out of a broken relationship. I’m sure that, if you ask an auditorium full of women if they have ever been cheated on, a good amount of hands would rise. It’s sad. Yet, in order to receive who God has for you, you absolutely have to completely release and let go of the past.
Letting Go of Past Hurt
I love this scripture in Hebrews 10:23 which says, “Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.” So, one sure way of letting go of a hurtful past relationship is to realize that God is faithful. Just because you went through a serious hurt before, does not mean you will experi- ence the same heartache in the future. And, if the gentleman you’re dating is sent from God and you know that you KNOW he is, I encourage you to knock down the brick walls. Drop the defense mechanisms and allow your beau to see the beautiful you that is currently hidden behind the pain.
Knowing when to Drop the Defenses
“But, how do I know it’s safe? That he’s the one?”
you may ask. I believe each woman knows in her own unique way. It’s confirmed differently for many. In my case, the Lord had to give me specific signs to show me that my heart was finally safe if I moved forward with him. You see, my husband was pursuing me and I had to really use discernment to see whether or not he was genuine. And like I mentioned before, I was so mean to Kellus, he could have easily walked away. But, he didn’t. He loved me anyway and continued to shower me with love and wait for me. And that was a big sign that God had given him to me. And I love him more more every day.
My mother encouraged me with something while I was dating my husband. She said, “Don’t treat him like that, Kennisha. Let that man see who you really are. Let him see God’s love in your eyes.” They need to see tenderness instead of bitterness, resentment, and anger. It’s never easy coming out of a tough relationship. But, when you know God has graced you with a man that will love you in sickness and in health, don’t allow bitterness or any past hurt to rob you of your future chance at love.
Let God heal you emotionally and give you the courage to open your heart to receive the love of a worthy man. You can rest in knowing that the Lord would never guide you down the wrong path.