If men and women wanted the same thing there would be no sexual politics. Men and women are at odds because they want different things from each other. Most women want affectionate companionship and family. It is this desire for children that continues to cause women to be dependent on men. Women need something to offer in return. That thing is sex. Anyone who suggests that the pleasure is equal does not understand the laws of nature.
Men are taller, heavier and stronger than women. Women don’t fight as men do. Only a very naïve person would suggest that men do not use this physical advantage to get what they want from women. Men don’t encourage women to work. In fact, men openly acknowledge that they like women to be financially dependent on them. Men know they can use this financial advantage to make women feel obliged to offer them regular sex in return.
Women’s desire for affectionate companionship drives their desire to have relationships with men. But given men’s tendency to focus their life’s efforts on their own pursuits, women often come to want children as well. Women’s drive to have children is not as immediately obvious or as urgent as men’s sex drive but none the less it assists with successful reproduction. It’s an amazing phenomenon and it is not at all clear how it arises. Women enjoy intimate companionship, which men rarely provide. Women also like taking care of cute pets and small children that depend on them.
Men’s view of sex is so much more politically convincing. Men heavily promote their own view because it is vitally important to them. Sexual politics is created by men’s desire for intercourse. Men will not accept what women say about sex unless it accords with their own view. Specifically, they want to hear that a woman wants intercourse as much as they do.
Men are not attracted to every woman. They are attracted to women who are sexually willing. Of course men are confident that their view of sex will prevail. Women are too embarrassed to offer their own view of sex.
Men have always defined women’s sexuality for them. Men assume they have sexual instincts women lack. Men own the concept of female orgasm. The ego of “You obviously haven’t met the right man to make you orgasm!” indicates the male perspective. A few political women also support the male view of female sexuality to be popular with men.
Men want to believe that women can orgasm from intercourse because this might make them more sexually willing. But this not logical. The evidence for female orgasm would be women’s enthusiasm for intercourse. Porn acts as an emotional security blanket reassuring men that women are always amenable to intercourse so that their sexual outlet is guaranteed.
Male propaganda far outweighs any attempt by women to put men right. This is for a number of reasons.
- Men’s interest in discussing sex ad nauseam far outweighs women’s extremely low to negative interest in the topic.
- Men are physically and psychologically more forceful than women so they can use brute force to have their own view heard.
- Women want to be attractive to men. They can only do this if they silently ignore men’s claims that sex is fantastic.
- Women depend on men’s support to have children. So women have an emotional investment in their relationship with a man.
Ask a woman in any developing country and she will tell you that sex is for male pleasure and making babies. Try asking a woman in a developed country the same question and you get silence. In our bravado driven society, women don’t want to feel subjugated by men. Female orgasm justifies women’s role in an activity that focuses on male pleasure. The fact that women’s lifestyles are subsidised by their partners, is overlooked.
Research has shown that trying to brainwash women into believing that they can enjoy sex as much as men do, does not lead to more sex for men. The idea that women should enjoy sex existed before any research was done. But this belief was always a male view. Men’s sex drive means they rely on women for sex and the sex industry sells a fantasy view of women’s sexuality.
Men gloat over the sexual pleasure they enjoy and, even worse, boast about the sexual pleasure they think women enjoy. They never notice that such jubilation is one-sided. Male propaganda silences women because of the implied sexual inadequacy. Women get tired of men talking of the pleasure that they enjoy without any sensitivity to the fact that women’s minds and bodies do not respond in the same way. Very few women talk about orgasm. Women ensure that sexual references are avoided in their presence by showing their displeasure in non-verbal ways. Silent abstention is easy and keeps the peace. Most people would be tempted by an offer of financial security for life. This is what marriage represents to women. There’s little to be gained by taking on conflict with a man who is supporting the family.
As the feminist group the Redstockings put it, for many women marriage is one of the few forms of employment that is readily available. (Hite 1993)