Excessive Tolerance in Relationships – 4 Signs You Tolerate Too Much

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Relationships are ideally unions that promote respect, love, and commitment between partners. If the relationship dynamic is a healthy one, both individuals can be free to grow and find fulfillment. However, if one or both partners bring serious personal issues in to the relationship, the dynamic can become skewed or toxic. Sometimes, in the interest of showing love, compassion, and tolerance toward a partner who is repeatedly unfaithful, has an untreated addiction, or has an abusive personality, the other partner may display signs of excessive tolerance that infringe upon healthy boundaries and cause him or her to lose sight of personal needs, desires, and hopes in the relationship. Here are 4 signs you might tolerate too much in your relationship:

  1.  You rationalize and/or minimize your partner's poor behavior to yourself. You compare your partner's behavior to other worse case scenarios, or make statements to yourself like, "At least he or she doesn't do THAT." While it is true you may be able to find more extreme examples of destructive behavior, it doesn't mean that what your partner is doing is acceptable or desirable.
  2. You make excuses for, or deny your partner's bad behavior altogether in front of others. This attempt to hide what's being done might be motivated by your desire to protect your partner's reputation, and it may also stem from shame or embarrassment at what you are tolerating.
  3. You feel as if you simply cannot live without this person, regardless of the way you're treated. Arguments might be dropped, and ultimatums left to slide. Fears over going it alone emotionally might be so overpowering that you are willing to compromise your values and expectations simply to avoid the end of the relationship.
  1. You have worry over what your partner might do to him or herself if you leave the relationship, and take on the responsibility of “saving” him or her. You fear he or she will never make it without you, and the guilt of this belief keeps you in the relationship.




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