The Decision Making Process

Relationship Advice: Closeness and Connection

Making decisions is never easy and the worst thing is we are never taught how to make decisions. No one taught us this life skill as we are growing up. No one in school or at home taught us. We only learn through observation. And most of the time we observe people not knowing how to make a decision!
And one of the most ineffective processes is in the making of a pros and cons list! And this is one of the most popular ways in which people base their decisions on.
So the most common question I get from my students and clients is this: Do I make my decision based on logic or based on what my heart tells me? Ah, this is where we trip ourselves up BIG TIME. We often see logic and our feelings as two separate entities, because we have not experienced them enough to be one unit. And we have not understood ourselves enough to know that they are interconnected.
Now let’s play devil’s advocate here: what is logic? The definition of logic is correct reasoning. But correct reasoning is not the ultimate truth. Our reasoning is based on information we have at the moment, and so logic expands or contracts depending on available data/information. This also means that logic can change or evolve as we evolve. When we talk about logic, we seem to have a fixed idea that logic does not change. But when we talk about feelings/emotions, we have no qualms about accepting that yes, our feelings/emotions do change depending on situations/circumstances.
If both logic and our feelings do evolve/transform, this means that our decision-making process is actually much easier than we think. Why? We have a higher tolerance for things to change, and that even if we make a decision now based on what we know, that decision has room to evolve as well because we are open to the idea that we will have more information over time.
Ultimately, this means that we can only make decisions based on the present moment. I know this sounds kinda zen. But this is the only way we can move. We cannot live our lives stuck in the past based on past information, neither can we wait in anticipation of what is to come, and be in paralysis, not knowing how to make the decision. So we can only make decisions based on the present moment. Does this make sense to you?
The problem with us humans is that we are so filled with fears that confront us in our conscious and unconscious that it is almost impossible for most people to make decisions based on the present moment. Most people cannot live like this. They want guarantees in life, they want guarantees in success, they fear to be in pain, to be hurt. And they just want to control everything happening in their lives, which we know is impossible.
Trying to control everything and wanting guarantees is not living, and it comes from an extremely egocentric perspective that you actually think you have any form of control whatsoever, which stems from a narcissistic egomaniac mind! Can you imagine that most of humanity operating this way?
In the end, what happens is that people start making decisions based on their fears. “Never trust your fears, they don’t know your strengths” this is such a great quote! Our fears are short-sighted and usually have no depth in perspective, and making our decisions based on fears limits us, and prevents us from seeing more and further, and it certainly keeps us in the loop of our comfort zone. We feel a temporary sense of freedom, thinking we have made the decision that serves us, but whatever decisions we have made that stems from fear will come back to haunt us, it is only a matter of time.
As zen as it may sound, the most effective decision-making process is still one that is based on the present moment, that feeds into our empowered state, and gives us a sense of freedom to understand that: hey! I am always free to change my perspective about things, people, situations and that I am allowed to evolve.

Give this decision-making process a try, you might like it.




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